Harish Iyer on Male Child Sexual Abuse

Male Child Sexual Abuse: A Story of Silence and Courage

Male child sexual abuse is often hidden behind silence, stigma, and societal expectations. Many boys grow up carrying trauma they never speak about. This is one such story a journey from pain to power.

It started when he was 7.
It ended when he was 18.
It started with a boy.
It ended with a man.
It started with pain.
It ended with courage.

The Beginning of the Abuse

In many traditional Indian households, elders bathing young boys is seen as normal. Harish Iyer’s mother believed the same and allowed the practice. That was when it first happened.

The first time he was abused, he did not understand what was happening.

“I didn’t know whether it was okay, whether it was normal,” he recalls.

What began as confusion slowly became routine. He would walk into his uncle’s house, lie down on the bed, and silently wait for it to “get over as soon as possible.”

But it didn’t stop there.

When he was 12, others began violating him too. He chose silence.

“I would keep quiet… because what if I wasn’t considered ‘man enough’ to bear pain?”

The Psychological Impact of Male Child Sexual Abuse

Male child sexual abuse leaves scars that are not always visible.

He grew up with shattered self-esteem.
He grew up fearing men.
He grew up bathing four times a day.

Even today, he bathes four times daily  a trauma response that stayed with him.

Long-Term Emotional Effects

He divided his life into two separate worlds: one where the abuse existed and one where it did not. When those worlds overlapped, he would break down completely.

This is how trauma survives in habits, in fear, in silence.

When Speaking Up Changes Nothing

Eventually, he tried to speak up.

“I am bleeding from my anus,” he told his mother.
“Maybe it’s because you eat too many mangoes,” she replied.

“I am bleeding from my anus,” he told a classmate.
“These things happen,” came the response.

“Uncle touches me here and there, and I don’t like it,” he said.
“Don’t go near him,” his mother answered.

There was no protection. No confrontation. No intervention.

The Stigma Around Male Survivors

Society often expects boys to be strong and silent. Admitting abuse is seen as weakness. This stigma keeps male child sexual abuse hidden for years.

He withdrew into isolation. He spoke only to his dog. He found comfort in his garden talking to bees, insects, and trees. Bollywood films became his refuge.

“Watching Sridevi stand up for herself in Chaalbaz and Lamhe inspired me,” he says.

Sometimes, even small sources of strength can plant the seed of courage.

Finding the Strength to Say No

One day, he decided it would end.

He gathered every ounce of courage and said a powerful “NO.”

The uncle stopped. Dressed. Left.

That moment changed everything.

It was not just resistance it was reclaiming control.

From Survivor to Advocate

Today, he is an influential equal rights activist who speaks openly about male child sexual abuse and the silence surrounding male survivors.

“We get abused, but we have no right to voice it because we’re supposed to be the protectors. The victims of masculinity are men themselves.”

For years, he believed the abuse had defined him. It devastated him. Today, he knows that abuse does not determine identity.

At the time, there was limited legal recognition for male victims. Justice was not easily available.

But he chose not to let hatred consume him.

“I can never get those 11 years back, but I have a lifetime ahead of me to protect the rights of children, women, and the LGBTQIA+ community. That’s the path I’ve proudly chosen.”