Society asks men and women to behave in a specific fashion. Boys play with Superheroes and girls with Barbie dolls. Men are breadwinners and women are homemakers. Men are expected to be strong, independent, tough and sober, while women should be compassionate, kind, emotional and gentle. These traits are classified as masculine and feminine. Images of ideal male and female figures are underlined time and again by parents, peers and the media.
Yes, people today are moving ahead of these traditional expectations, but the society is not always so accepting.
Having to keep up with these defined gender “traits”” can be a burden. It can in some cases lead to depression, anxiety and even substance abuse. Read as few anonymous teens shared their story with MyTalkindia.
“”Boys don’t cry””
I had gone on a school trip with my friends, was away from home for the first time. I was missing my mom but there was no way to get in touch with her. I was sad and emotional. We were moving through dense vegetation, brushing wild flowers and intense bushes. All of us were engrossed watching a lizard that our teacher caught hold of, and all of a sudden I felt a stinging pain on my right calf. A bee had stung me and I was having an unbearable pain which made me cry. My friends made fun of my crying and I had to control myself. On reaching base camp, I hid myself behind trees and cried which made me feel good.
Affirmation: Approve your emotions and feelings no matter what others say.
“”Hit the ball like a man””
All the cool guys in my class played cricket. My group had a clear rule, if you aren’t good at the sport, you aren’t “man” enough. So in a desperate attempt to be in the crowd, I tried to play cricket and worked hard even though I hated it. I was petrified that my friends would make fun of me and worse was they throw me out of the group as I constantly failed. Whenever I missed a shot, the leader would shout, in front of everyone, “”For God’s sake, hit like a man for once!”” I felt ripped off my identity and felt worthless until I stopped playing the game.
Affirmation: It hardly matters what others say, what matters is how I react and I believe in.
“”Be a man, will you?””
I had a crush on a senior, but did not have the courage to express my feelings. I used to confide in my male friends about my feelings. They were supportive in the beginning but later started making fun of me. They would call me a sissy because I used to get emotional about my feelings. They would constantly ask me to “”Be a man, and talk to her”” or “”you’re such a loser, just ask her out.”” The situation became worse when one of my friends gave her a note,with my name written over it. The note said that I wanted to sleep with her. She confronted me and I came clean. It was embarrassing but she handled the situation gracefully. Talking to girls has always been an issue for me. But after that episode, I learnt that if you approach people with respect, they usually respond with respect too.
Affirmation: I will always respect others and myself.
“”You’re a man with no balls””
For a long time I associated being a man with how much alcohol I could consume. My friends and I used to smoke incessantly because we thought it was cool and would get female attention. Little did I know that the continuous smoking and drinking was killing my body slowly and steadily. Whenever our gang used to go drinking, we would take pride in how much we drank. The number of bottles dictated our manliness. Once after a drinking spree, when I returned home I found my drunk father beating my mother. I tried to stop him but couldn’t do much as I was also high. The scars of that incident still haunt me. I decided not to drink as much. When we went drinking again, I stopped after a couple of beers. I could not tell my friends about my father, I just told them I don’t want to drink anymore. They started calling me “”the man with no balls.”” After a period of time, I left that squad.
Affirmation: I am free to make my own choices and decisions.
“”Boys don’t do home stuff””
I have been brought up by a single mother. My father left me and my mother, when I was very young. Since then I feel intense hatred for him. Earlier I used to take out my frustration by hitting some of the younger boys in school. Gradually I found peace in sports. Since I had three younger siblings and a single mother to take care of us, I used to help my mother with basic stuff like washing dishes, filling water into bottles and buying groceries. My friends in football squad would constantly tell me to avoid doing all of these things to a point until I was hit by one of them. The fight escalated and eventually I had to change schools. None-the-less, I don’t see any harm in helping my mother because I care about her.
Affirmation: I am compassionate and it is a good quality to have.
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